The Dog Lady

Whoever said, "what doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger" was an idiot! Because I only feel defeated and lonely. I mean, nothing happened this week that was absolutely horrible, but c'mon! Its been almost 3 weeks since my hubby left and this week was hard for me. I mean he did call me Thursday night which was amazing! But it made me miss him even more! I hate going to bed without him and I've just really been feeling lonely this week and missing him like crazy. I did send him a package which made me feel good because I love to spoil him (and our roommate got one too). I went and hung out with some ladies on Wednesday night and it was great to get out. But it seems like when all these nice things are happening I miss him even more! How backwards am I?! I guess I just wish he was here, so I can share all this stuff in person you know? But I also just feel lonely. I go to work Monday through Thursday. Friday through Sunday I pretty much spend by myself because everyone else works on Fridays and usually have plans with other people Saturday and no one gets together on Sundays because they have to get up for work the next morning. Don't get me wrong or anything, I'm not condemning them or anything. I just wish people wanted to hang out with me. I feel like I'm always the one asking to join in other peoples' plans which makes me feel like I've invited myself. Because I was taught from a young age that if people wanted to hang out with me or wanted me along for something then they'd invite me themselves. They would initiate the invitation because they want me there. But when I ask around for plans and such I never invite myself along because, if they wanted me there, they'd ask me to join. But no one ever does. It makes me feel like I don't have any friends here. I feel like I'm turning into the Cat Lady's sister - The Dog Lady! I mean I have 3 beagles, and while they can be quite entertaining, they don't make good conversationalists. Hubby and I have both felt this gradual receding of friendships among some of our friends here. We have found that the friends that truly matter to us are home- back in New England. Now part of us hates the north because of the snow and the cost of living up there. But we are finding that the grass isn't really greener on this side of the fence. After living here for 3 years we are already very tired of this area and the traffic and what-have-you. Maybe we're just bored already. Maybe we're the kind of people that need change every once in a while to feel good about our lives. Or maybe we just desire to find that right spot where we want to permanently settle down. Or, we could just be missing the family and friends that really made that area home for us. Either way, both hubby and I are open to options for our future. Granted a big pull for us to stay here is because I will never find a job as wonderful as the one I have now. The family is great. The hours are great. The pay is great. The commute is great. I could not have been more blessed with any other job. But I've only been with them for a year now(which is pretty good considering my resume has holes in it and my jobs have not usually lasted more than 6 months because of school, moving, or just the nature of the child care industry itself). I'm not trying to imply that hubby and I would move next week. Obviously with the Navy you never know when you'll be transferred or something of the sort, but the paperwork part of transferring takes time. So even if he were to get transferred, there are lots of variables to be taken into account. But I must say, if he does eventually get transferred to a shore command somewhere, my heart is hoping on Groton, CT. His parents are moving there because of a job my FIL (father-in-law) just got not too long ago. They're just trying to sell their current house so they can then buy a new one in CT. But I mean, Groton would be super close to them and only about a 2 hour drive to my parents place. We'd be close to NY and could take trips to the city or go east to the beach! I really feel like being close to family and friends that we've really creating lasting friendships with would fulfill this emptiness we feel here. We've got friends here, but everyone seems so busy and no one ever has time for anyone anymore. I think that's what we miss. Especially me. I have Fridays off. No one else does. So I do all my house work. Then on Saturday, every one's doing their housework so I am still by myself. Same thing for Sunday. Maybe I'm just needing time to slow down or speed up to a place in my life where I'm content. My friends are wonderful here. I don't mean to mislead you, but with hubby gone and me feeling so lonely, it would really be nice to have a friend to turn to; one who actually wants to hang out with me. But since I feel like I see my friends so little because everyone is so busy, my mind is left to wander about aimlessly. This usually leads to thinking of hubby, or spending money I shouldn't. While shopping temporarily cures my loneliness, it hurts my bank account and I later regret my purchases. I've been able to send packages to hubby and bake to spoil him and post on my blog more consistently than in the past. Although my time to myself has also allowed me to read which I enjoy.

So as I close out tonight, I want to give you an example of my previously long-winded statement of feeling lonely, friendless and bored: Tonight I had fed my dogs and listened to music while putting away my groceries. Listening to certain songs really gets me pumped up. This is the situation I put myself in tonight. I'm in a super good mood and totally determined to go out with someone (anyone!) who has cool plans and enjoy being out of the house. I posted a status on facebook to ask who had cool plans tonight and if they were willing to share or if they wanted to join me in going out tonight. No one replied. That was over 3 hours ago. So naturally my mood plummeted. I'm 22 years old. A normal 22 year old has just gotten to the bar to start her night of dancing and drinking and fun. But not me. This 22 year old will be in bed and asleep by 11pm having not spoken to another human being all day (other than the mechanic at the dealership for the leak in my car, the cashier at Petsmart, and the cashier at Harris Teeter). And I'm serious. No phone calls (a couple texts) and no encounters with friends. I feel like I'm living the life of The Dog Lady at age 75.