Whoever said, "what doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger" was an idiot! Because I only feel defeated and lonely. I mean, nothing happened this week that was absolutely horrible, but c'mon! Its been almost 3 weeks since my hubby left and this week was hard for me. I mean he did call me Thursday night which was amazing! But it made me miss him even more! I hate going to bed without him and I've just really been feeling lonely this week and missing him like crazy. I did send him a package which made me feel good because I love to spoil him (and our roommate got one too). I went and hung out with some ladies on Wednesday night and it was great to get out. But it seems like when all these nice things are happening I miss him even more! How backwards am I?! I guess I just wish he was here, so I can share all this stuff in person you know? But I also just feel lonely. I go to work Monday through Thursday. Friday through Sunday I pretty much spend by myself because everyone else works on Fridays and usually have plans with other people Saturday and no one gets together on Sundays because they have to get up for work the next morning. Don't get me wrong or anything, I'm not condemning them or anything. I just wish people wanted to hang out with me. I feel like I'm always the one asking to join in other peoples' plans which makes me feel like I've invited myself. Because I was taught from a young age that if people wanted to hang out with me or wanted me along for something then they'd invite me themselves. They would initiate the invitation because they want me there. But when I ask around for plans and such I never invite myself along because, if they wanted me there, they'd ask me to join. But no one ever does. It makes me feel like I don't have any friends here. I feel like I'm turning into the Cat Lady's sister - The Dog Lady! I mean I have 3 beagles, and while they can be quite entertaining, they don't make good conversationalists. Hubby and I have both felt this gradual receding of friendships among some of our friends here. We have found that the friends that truly matter to us are home- back in New England. Now part of us hates the north because of the snow and the cost of living up there. But we are finding that the grass isn't really greener on this side of the fence. After living here for 3 years we are already very tired of this area and the traffic and what-have-you. Maybe we're just bored already. Maybe we're the kind of people that need change every once in a while to feel good about our lives. Or maybe we just desire to find that right spot where we want to permanently settle down. Or, we could just be missing the family and friends that really made that area home for us. Either way, both hubby and I are open to options for our future. Granted a big pull for us to stay here is because I will never find a job as wonderful as the one I have now. The family is great. The hours are great. The pay is great. The commute is great. I could not have been more blessed with any other job. But I've only been with them for a year now(which is pretty good considering my resume has holes in it and my jobs have not usually lasted more than 6 months because of school, moving, or just the nature of the child care industry itself). I'm not trying to imply that hubby and I would move next week. Obviously with the Navy you never know when you'll be transferred or something of the sort, but the paperwork part of transferring takes time. So even if he were to get transferred, there are lots of variables to be taken into account. But I must say, if he does eventually get transferred to a shore command somewhere, my heart is hoping on Groton, CT. His parents are moving there because of a job my FIL (father-in-law) just got not too long ago. They're just trying to sell their current house so they can then buy a new one in CT. But I mean, Groton would be super close to them and only about a 2 hour drive to my parents place. We'd be close to NY and could take trips to the city or go east to the beach! I really feel like being close to family and friends that we've really creating lasting friendships with would fulfill this emptiness we feel here. We've got friends here, but everyone seems so busy and no one ever has time for anyone anymore. I think that's what we miss. Especially me. I have Fridays off. No one else does. So I do all my house work. Then on Saturday, every one's doing their housework so I am still by myself. Same thing for Sunday. Maybe I'm just needing time to slow down or speed up to a place in my life where I'm content. My friends are wonderful here. I don't mean to mislead you, but with hubby gone and me feeling so lonely, it would really be nice to have a friend to turn to; one who actually wants to hang out with me. But since I feel like I see my friends so little because everyone is so busy, my mind is left to wander about aimlessly. This usually leads to thinking of hubby, or spending money I shouldn't. While shopping temporarily cures my loneliness, it hurts my bank account and I later regret my purchases. I've been able to send packages to hubby and bake to spoil him and post on my blog more consistently than in the past. Although my time to myself has also allowed me to read which I enjoy.
So as I close out tonight, I want to give you an example of my previously long-winded statement of feeling lonely, friendless and bored: Tonight I had fed my dogs and listened to music while putting away my groceries. Listening to certain songs really gets me pumped up. This is the situation I put myself in tonight. I'm in a super good mood and totally determined to go out with someone (anyone!) who has cool plans and enjoy being out of the house. I posted a status on facebook to ask who had cool plans tonight and if they were willing to share or if they wanted to join me in going out tonight. No one replied. That was over 3 hours ago. So naturally my mood plummeted. I'm 22 years old. A normal 22 year old has just gotten to the bar to start her night of dancing and drinking and fun. But not me. This 22 year old will be in bed and asleep by 11pm having not spoken to another human being all day (other than the mechanic at the dealership for the leak in my car, the cashier at Petsmart, and the cashier at Harris Teeter). And I'm serious. No phone calls (a couple texts) and no encounters with friends. I feel like I'm living the life of The Dog Lady at age 75.
August 20, 2010
August 14, 2010
I DID IT!!!!
So I know I haven't posted in a couple days, but I was kind of busy and really tired. But I will start off with my BEST news!!!! I MOWED MY LAWN!!! Now for a girl like me to mow the lawn, being my first time, is HUGE! I'm from the north originally so I can work a snow blower, so really how much different can it be? The hardest part for me was getting it started. I had a couple battles on that one. Then the grass was still too wet from the rain the night before. So I said forget it and I'd do it today since all this happened yesterday. And I did it today! I started the mower on the first pull and went at it! It took me maybe 45 minutes to an hour for the front yard. I have not mastered the back yard or done the weed-whacking. The front yard weed-whacking will be my challenge tomorrow!
Other fun and interesting things I've done this week:
- picked up my bridesmaids dress for my friends' wedding
- bought some school supplies for the upcoming school year
- bought boxes for some care packages for my boys and filled them
- went to the best local art museum and thoroughly enjoyed it
- went to the Navy night at the Tide's baseball and got to see fireworks after
- found out an old friend is moving back to town this month
While I feel very accomplished and back into living a life instead of this ho-hum bla-zay feeling because I hadn't gone out to do anything really; I know I have a lot of things on my perpetual "To Do" list. Like:
- document and deliver my huge mountain of stuff to Salvation Army
- organize and do some filing of important paperwork
- bring some clothes to the tailor (which now includes the bridesmaids dress)
- figure out a way to get all my files off of my dead laptop
- laundry
- dishes
- cleaning
- weed-whacking
- find an anniversary gift for my hubs since that's next month
- finish hubs' blankets
- send out boxes
But still! Because of my triumph today I went to TGI Fridays and had a wonderful late lunch/ early dinner meal and watch a replay of the Pats/ Saints game! (Oh I am so glad football is back on! I've missed it so!) My friend Lisa came by he restaurant with her new beau. It was nice to finally meet him after hearing so much about him. He's a good guy for her. A true southern gentleman and I hope they hit it off and continue to grow close. They're just plain cute together! lol
Alright, world. Well I am off to bed because it's late and I gotta get up in the morning! G'night!
Other fun and interesting things I've done this week:
- picked up my bridesmaids dress for my friends' wedding
- bought some school supplies for the upcoming school year
- bought boxes for some care packages for my boys and filled them
- went to the best local art museum and thoroughly enjoyed it
- went to the Navy night at the Tide's baseball and got to see fireworks after
- found out an old friend is moving back to town this month
While I feel very accomplished and back into living a life instead of this ho-hum bla-zay feeling because I hadn't gone out to do anything really; I know I have a lot of things on my perpetual "To Do" list. Like:
- document and deliver my huge mountain of stuff to Salvation Army
- organize and do some filing of important paperwork
- bring some clothes to the tailor (which now includes the bridesmaids dress)
- figure out a way to get all my files off of my dead laptop
- laundry
- dishes
- cleaning
- weed-whacking
- find an anniversary gift for my hubs since that's next month
- finish hubs' blankets
- send out boxes
But still! Because of my triumph today I went to TGI Fridays and had a wonderful late lunch/ early dinner meal and watch a replay of the Pats/ Saints game! (Oh I am so glad football is back on! I've missed it so!) My friend Lisa came by he restaurant with her new beau. It was nice to finally meet him after hearing so much about him. He's a good guy for her. A true southern gentleman and I hope they hit it off and continue to grow close. They're just plain cute together! lol
Alright, world. Well I am off to bed because it's late and I gotta get up in the morning! G'night!
August 11, 2010
I adopted a cat!
.... well at least for an hour.
So there was a cat tormenting my dogs for over a week now. So I started giving it some food a couple days ago and it's been coming. This is my plan so that I can capture it in a crate and have animal control come pick it up. Then my dogs can stop going insane! Although getting the cat to trust me really wasn't hard. I'm going to assume it was a he. So he was really really sweet! I swear if I wasn't allergic to cat (or my hubby for that matter) I would've kept him! Honestly he was so sweet! While I'm glad he's not going to drive my cats bonkers anymore, I will miss his sweet little meow. Although I'll never forget my dogs going crazy at the crate that I kept him in while we waited. Seriously my two oldest got in the one small crate together!!!! It was hilarious!!!!!
Today at work was a little difficult. The boys are at each other's throats. They have spent way too much time together. And all they want to do is watch TV or movies or play Wii. I try to distract and I have a brand new list of out-of-the-house activities and places to go. But they never want to go because they constantly ask whether they'll have time to play Wii when they get home, or how long we'll be gone. I love the boys to death. But they are just going at it and I feel like nothing I do helps it! Then there's arguing and bickering and then there are tears and anger looks at each other. I can't wait for them to go back to school where they're in separate classrooms and occupied all day. That will help them to get along when they are together! Otherwise I don't know how I'm going to get through these next couple of weeks. I try to keep them from "killing" each other but I guess I'm just going to have to wing it.
Anyways, it's been a long day and I'm going to finish my DVR-ed show.
So there was a cat tormenting my dogs for over a week now. So I started giving it some food a couple days ago and it's been coming. This is my plan so that I can capture it in a crate and have animal control come pick it up. Then my dogs can stop going insane! Although getting the cat to trust me really wasn't hard. I'm going to assume it was a he. So he was really really sweet! I swear if I wasn't allergic to cat (or my hubby for that matter) I would've kept him! Honestly he was so sweet! While I'm glad he's not going to drive my cats bonkers anymore, I will miss his sweet little meow. Although I'll never forget my dogs going crazy at the crate that I kept him in while we waited. Seriously my two oldest got in the one small crate together!!!! It was hilarious!!!!!
Today at work was a little difficult. The boys are at each other's throats. They have spent way too much time together. And all they want to do is watch TV or movies or play Wii. I try to distract and I have a brand new list of out-of-the-house activities and places to go. But they never want to go because they constantly ask whether they'll have time to play Wii when they get home, or how long we'll be gone. I love the boys to death. But they are just going at it and I feel like nothing I do helps it! Then there's arguing and bickering and then there are tears and anger looks at each other. I can't wait for them to go back to school where they're in separate classrooms and occupied all day. That will help them to get along when they are together! Otherwise I don't know how I'm going to get through these next couple of weeks. I try to keep them from "killing" each other but I guess I'm just going to have to wing it.
Anyways, it's been a long day and I'm going to finish my DVR-ed show.
August 10, 2010
Putty in the Remote
So today was a decent day. I was a little tired but, thats to be expected since there's 4 of them and only 1 of me! Anyways, this morning's job was to go to the library and get new books and ACTUALLY have them read them out loud. The dreaded "S" word will be starting soon and they need to practice. So we went, got books, they played and I actually got a library card! I'm kind of excited! I haven't had a library card since I was a kid! I had forgotten how much fun it is to read books and look through the stacks and everything. It's like a treasure hunt for me. I think all this stems from the fact that I just finished Eat. Pray. Love. and loved it.
Back to the rest of the day! Then the plan was to go back to the house, rest a little while I make lunch, eat lunch and then go to the Aquarium. The family is a member of practically every attraction in the area. So then I realize the card says the mom and dad's names on it and on the back is says upon entrance you must present a MATCHING photo ID. That posed a probably. Obviously I am not their mom and definitely not their dad. So I texted the mom to explain and turns out she was in meetings most of the day and wouldn't really be able to help a whole bunch. I called the aquarium and told them the situation and they said a flat out NO! I mean I am the nanny for the family and the mom has expressed that the whole reason they are members is so that I can take them places for free so they are entertained (I mean every mom and summer sitter knows that at this point of the summer the kids are bored with what they've got in the house). So we did not end up going. We had a leisure lunch instead of a rushed one. Then we read our new books from the library. Then we relaxed and the boys had their afternoon Wii time and we played with putty. I started putting my fingerprints in the putty and showing the boys the patterns. They thought this way cool. So I made up a game of them needing to guess what made the pattern. I would impress a pattern or object in the putty and they had to guess it. It went well until I had the bright idea of putting the remote in the putty because the remote set up was actually a kind of cool pattern. But when I went to pull the putty off, it wouldn't budge. Then I'm thinking "oh &$^%*#!" Obviously couldn't say that in front of the kids. So I pull the large chunk off and find that it has stuck to every single button it could and of course it was not coming off easily. I feel horrible! I'm completely embarrassed! I feel like I'm the child and going to be spoiled and feeling desire to run and hide so I don't have to explain the black COX remote with the yellow putty stuck to all the buttons. In the last 30 minutes of my day, I spend it furiously trying to get as much putty off as I can! This does not work out the way I had hoped. For a split second I contemplated blaming it on one of the kids, but I knew they'd rat me out anyways. So in the end I fessed up once the mom got home. She wasn't concerned but of course I still feel horribly responsible and needing to buy them a new remote.
The mom was more concerned with the fact that we didn't go to the aquarium. So tonight after my putty incident, I have researched free or cheap things to do with kids in the area. I have 3 pages worth of information and I'm ready to present it to her tomorrow. I'm hoping this will redeem me after today's fiasco! :(
Back to the rest of the day! Then the plan was to go back to the house, rest a little while I make lunch, eat lunch and then go to the Aquarium. The family is a member of practically every attraction in the area. So then I realize the card says the mom and dad's names on it and on the back is says upon entrance you must present a MATCHING photo ID. That posed a probably. Obviously I am not their mom and definitely not their dad. So I texted the mom to explain and turns out she was in meetings most of the day and wouldn't really be able to help a whole bunch. I called the aquarium and told them the situation and they said a flat out NO! I mean I am the nanny for the family and the mom has expressed that the whole reason they are members is so that I can take them places for free so they are entertained (I mean every mom and summer sitter knows that at this point of the summer the kids are bored with what they've got in the house). So we did not end up going. We had a leisure lunch instead of a rushed one. Then we read our new books from the library. Then we relaxed and the boys had their afternoon Wii time and we played with putty. I started putting my fingerprints in the putty and showing the boys the patterns. They thought this way cool. So I made up a game of them needing to guess what made the pattern. I would impress a pattern or object in the putty and they had to guess it. It went well until I had the bright idea of putting the remote in the putty because the remote set up was actually a kind of cool pattern. But when I went to pull the putty off, it wouldn't budge. Then I'm thinking "oh &$^%*#!" Obviously couldn't say that in front of the kids. So I pull the large chunk off and find that it has stuck to every single button it could and of course it was not coming off easily. I feel horrible! I'm completely embarrassed! I feel like I'm the child and going to be spoiled and feeling desire to run and hide so I don't have to explain the black COX remote with the yellow putty stuck to all the buttons. In the last 30 minutes of my day, I spend it furiously trying to get as much putty off as I can! This does not work out the way I had hoped. For a split second I contemplated blaming it on one of the kids, but I knew they'd rat me out anyways. So in the end I fessed up once the mom got home. She wasn't concerned but of course I still feel horribly responsible and needing to buy them a new remote.
The mom was more concerned with the fact that we didn't go to the aquarium. So tonight after my putty incident, I have researched free or cheap things to do with kids in the area. I have 3 pages worth of information and I'm ready to present it to her tomorrow. I'm hoping this will redeem me after today's fiasco! :(
August 09, 2010
Glass of wine
So today was my first day back at work since my kidney stone. Now I know what you're thinking. This girl was lucky enough to have here ONLY kidney stone pass over the weekend she had off! Yes i know! I'm super lucky. But still after the weekend I had I knew today would be a tiring day for me. And it was. I had some grumpy boys today but they were still as wonderful as ever. And tomorrow will be tiring as well since we're going to the Aquarium. But since I had a tiring day I decided to have a glass of wine with my dinner... which turned into more than half the bottle. But! It's good wine! lol
It's been so long since I've had alcohol. I mean I've had a single drink here or there for the last couple of months since my hubby and I have been trying to conceive. So since I know I'm not pregnant, I said "I'm going to have some wine!". And I have. Now I will say I'm a light-weight and feeling a little tipsy, but it's because I've abstained from alcohol for so long my body's just not used to it. But it also made me realize that I am only 22 years old. I know I have plenty of time to have a baby. But the responsible side of me considers that with my hubs in the Navy, they'll pay for a decent amount of fertility treatments and I should take advantage of that opportunity. Plus I've always wanted to be a mother. A stay at home mom to be exact. I love kids, I mean that's why I work as a nanny. But with my PCOS I know it'll be hard to conceive so I made the responsible decision to not drink while we are trying. But a part of me wants to be a 22 year old who drinks regularly just because I can. Not because I want to be an alcoholic, just to act my age. I'm trying to find this balance in my life of being responsible and acting like a normal 22 year old.
I just read Eat. Pray. Love. And it was so good! It's divided up into 3 parts. The first part is her journey through Italy. The second through India. And the third through Bali. Reading it, I kept thinking about how I want to do that. Take a year off from EVERYTHING and just be where I am and just learn who I am. I mean I know that I am Kelly and 22 years old, from New Hampshire who is now married to a United States Sailor and who works as a nanny. I got that. But take all that away and who am I? What do I state for? What are my opinions? What do I love to do by myself? Do I even like to be by myself? Now maybe all this seems selfish to you, but to me it's just what Liz (the woman in the book) does. She finds a balance in here life and who she is and what she believes and learns to trust herself. So maybe I am selfish for envying her, but that part of me wants to find out. I'm not saying I'll ever go on this year long sabbatical, but it's nice to dream about and what balances in my life I might discover and the wholeness I might find within myself. That true unity with ones whole being and lifestyle. I really can't wait for the movie to come out. Firstly I loved the book and secondly I LOVE Julia Roberts movies!!!!
And to think this whole thinking process started with my one glass of wine. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. lol
It's been so long since I've had alcohol. I mean I've had a single drink here or there for the last couple of months since my hubby and I have been trying to conceive. So since I know I'm not pregnant, I said "I'm going to have some wine!". And I have. Now I will say I'm a light-weight and feeling a little tipsy, but it's because I've abstained from alcohol for so long my body's just not used to it. But it also made me realize that I am only 22 years old. I know I have plenty of time to have a baby. But the responsible side of me considers that with my hubs in the Navy, they'll pay for a decent amount of fertility treatments and I should take advantage of that opportunity. Plus I've always wanted to be a mother. A stay at home mom to be exact. I love kids, I mean that's why I work as a nanny. But with my PCOS I know it'll be hard to conceive so I made the responsible decision to not drink while we are trying. But a part of me wants to be a 22 year old who drinks regularly just because I can. Not because I want to be an alcoholic, just to act my age. I'm trying to find this balance in my life of being responsible and acting like a normal 22 year old.
I just read Eat. Pray. Love. And it was so good! It's divided up into 3 parts. The first part is her journey through Italy. The second through India. And the third through Bali. Reading it, I kept thinking about how I want to do that. Take a year off from EVERYTHING and just be where I am and just learn who I am. I mean I know that I am Kelly and 22 years old, from New Hampshire who is now married to a United States Sailor and who works as a nanny. I got that. But take all that away and who am I? What do I state for? What are my opinions? What do I love to do by myself? Do I even like to be by myself? Now maybe all this seems selfish to you, but to me it's just what Liz (the woman in the book) does. She finds a balance in here life and who she is and what she believes and learns to trust herself. So maybe I am selfish for envying her, but that part of me wants to find out. I'm not saying I'll ever go on this year long sabbatical, but it's nice to dream about and what balances in my life I might discover and the wholeness I might find within myself. That true unity with ones whole being and lifestyle. I really can't wait for the movie to come out. Firstly I loved the book and secondly I LOVE Julia Roberts movies!!!!
And to think this whole thinking process started with my one glass of wine. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. lol
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