Whoever said, "what doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger" was an idiot! Because I only feel defeated and lonely. I mean, nothing happened this week that was absolutely horrible, but c'mon! Its been almost 3 weeks since my hubby left and this week was hard for me. I mean he did call me Thursday night which was amazing! But it made me miss him even more! I hate going to bed without him and I've just really been feeling lonely this week and missing him like crazy. I did send him a package which made me feel good because I love to spoil him (and our roommate got one too). I went and hung out with some ladies on Wednesday night and it was great to get out. But it seems like when all these nice things are happening I miss him even more! How backwards am I?! I guess I just wish he was here, so I can share all this stuff in person you know? But I also just feel lonely. I go to work Monday through Thursday. Friday through Sunday I pretty much spend by myself because everyone else works on Fridays and usually have plans with other people Saturday and no one gets together on Sundays because they have to get up for work the next morning. Don't get me wrong or anything, I'm not condemning them or anything. I just wish people wanted to hang out with me. I feel like I'm always the one asking to join in other peoples' plans which makes me feel like I've invited myself. Because I was taught from a young age that if people wanted to hang out with me or wanted me along for something then they'd invite me themselves. They would initiate the invitation because they want me there. But when I ask around for plans and such I never invite myself along because, if they wanted me there, they'd ask me to join. But no one ever does. It makes me feel like I don't have any friends here. I feel like I'm turning into the Cat Lady's sister - The Dog Lady! I mean I have 3 beagles, and while they can be quite entertaining, they don't make good conversationalists. Hubby and I have both felt this gradual receding of friendships among some of our friends here. We have found that the friends that truly matter to us are home- back in New England. Now part of us hates the north because of the snow and the cost of living up there. But we are finding that the grass isn't really greener on this side of the fence. After living here for 3 years we are already very tired of this area and the traffic and what-have-you. Maybe we're just bored already. Maybe we're the kind of people that need change every once in a while to feel good about our lives. Or maybe we just desire to find that right spot where we want to permanently settle down. Or, we could just be missing the family and friends that really made that area home for us. Either way, both hubby and I are open to options for our future. Granted a big pull for us to stay here is because I will never find a job as wonderful as the one I have now. The family is great. The hours are great. The pay is great. The commute is great. I could not have been more blessed with any other job. But I've only been with them for a year now(which is pretty good considering my resume has holes in it and my jobs have not usually lasted more than 6 months because of school, moving, or just the nature of the child care industry itself). I'm not trying to imply that hubby and I would move next week. Obviously with the Navy you never know when you'll be transferred or something of the sort, but the paperwork part of transferring takes time. So even if he were to get transferred, there are lots of variables to be taken into account. But I must say, if he does eventually get transferred to a shore command somewhere, my heart is hoping on Groton, CT. His parents are moving there because of a job my FIL (father-in-law) just got not too long ago. They're just trying to sell their current house so they can then buy a new one in CT. But I mean, Groton would be super close to them and only about a 2 hour drive to my parents place. We'd be close to NY and could take trips to the city or go east to the beach! I really feel like being close to family and friends that we've really creating lasting friendships with would fulfill this emptiness we feel here. We've got friends here, but everyone seems so busy and no one ever has time for anyone anymore. I think that's what we miss. Especially me. I have Fridays off. No one else does. So I do all my house work. Then on Saturday, every one's doing their housework so I am still by myself. Same thing for Sunday. Maybe I'm just needing time to slow down or speed up to a place in my life where I'm content. My friends are wonderful here. I don't mean to mislead you, but with hubby gone and me feeling so lonely, it would really be nice to have a friend to turn to; one who actually wants to hang out with me. But since I feel like I see my friends so little because everyone is so busy, my mind is left to wander about aimlessly. This usually leads to thinking of hubby, or spending money I shouldn't. While shopping temporarily cures my loneliness, it hurts my bank account and I later regret my purchases. I've been able to send packages to hubby and bake to spoil him and post on my blog more consistently than in the past. Although my time to myself has also allowed me to read which I enjoy.
So as I close out tonight, I want to give you an example of my previously long-winded statement of feeling lonely, friendless and bored: Tonight I had fed my dogs and listened to music while putting away my groceries. Listening to certain songs really gets me pumped up. This is the situation I put myself in tonight. I'm in a super good mood and totally determined to go out with someone (anyone!) who has cool plans and enjoy being out of the house. I posted a status on facebook to ask who had cool plans tonight and if they were willing to share or if they wanted to join me in going out tonight. No one replied. That was over 3 hours ago. So naturally my mood plummeted. I'm 22 years old. A normal 22 year old has just gotten to the bar to start her night of dancing and drinking and fun. But not me. This 22 year old will be in bed and asleep by 11pm having not spoken to another human being all day (other than the mechanic at the dealership for the leak in my car, the cashier at Petsmart, and the cashier at Harris Teeter). And I'm serious. No phone calls (a couple texts) and no encounters with friends. I feel like I'm living the life of The Dog Lady at age 75.
August 20, 2010
August 14, 2010
I DID IT!!!!
So I know I haven't posted in a couple days, but I was kind of busy and really tired. But I will start off with my BEST news!!!! I MOWED MY LAWN!!! Now for a girl like me to mow the lawn, being my first time, is HUGE! I'm from the north originally so I can work a snow blower, so really how much different can it be? The hardest part for me was getting it started. I had a couple battles on that one. Then the grass was still too wet from the rain the night before. So I said forget it and I'd do it today since all this happened yesterday. And I did it today! I started the mower on the first pull and went at it! It took me maybe 45 minutes to an hour for the front yard. I have not mastered the back yard or done the weed-whacking. The front yard weed-whacking will be my challenge tomorrow!
Other fun and interesting things I've done this week:
- picked up my bridesmaids dress for my friends' wedding
- bought some school supplies for the upcoming school year
- bought boxes for some care packages for my boys and filled them
- went to the best local art museum and thoroughly enjoyed it
- went to the Navy night at the Tide's baseball and got to see fireworks after
- found out an old friend is moving back to town this month
While I feel very accomplished and back into living a life instead of this ho-hum bla-zay feeling because I hadn't gone out to do anything really; I know I have a lot of things on my perpetual "To Do" list. Like:
- document and deliver my huge mountain of stuff to Salvation Army
- organize and do some filing of important paperwork
- bring some clothes to the tailor (which now includes the bridesmaids dress)
- figure out a way to get all my files off of my dead laptop
- laundry
- dishes
- cleaning
- weed-whacking
- find an anniversary gift for my hubs since that's next month
- finish hubs' blankets
- send out boxes
But still! Because of my triumph today I went to TGI Fridays and had a wonderful late lunch/ early dinner meal and watch a replay of the Pats/ Saints game! (Oh I am so glad football is back on! I've missed it so!) My friend Lisa came by he restaurant with her new beau. It was nice to finally meet him after hearing so much about him. He's a good guy for her. A true southern gentleman and I hope they hit it off and continue to grow close. They're just plain cute together! lol
Alright, world. Well I am off to bed because it's late and I gotta get up in the morning! G'night!
Other fun and interesting things I've done this week:
- picked up my bridesmaids dress for my friends' wedding
- bought some school supplies for the upcoming school year
- bought boxes for some care packages for my boys and filled them
- went to the best local art museum and thoroughly enjoyed it
- went to the Navy night at the Tide's baseball and got to see fireworks after
- found out an old friend is moving back to town this month
While I feel very accomplished and back into living a life instead of this ho-hum bla-zay feeling because I hadn't gone out to do anything really; I know I have a lot of things on my perpetual "To Do" list. Like:
- document and deliver my huge mountain of stuff to Salvation Army
- organize and do some filing of important paperwork
- bring some clothes to the tailor (which now includes the bridesmaids dress)
- figure out a way to get all my files off of my dead laptop
- laundry
- dishes
- cleaning
- weed-whacking
- find an anniversary gift for my hubs since that's next month
- finish hubs' blankets
- send out boxes
But still! Because of my triumph today I went to TGI Fridays and had a wonderful late lunch/ early dinner meal and watch a replay of the Pats/ Saints game! (Oh I am so glad football is back on! I've missed it so!) My friend Lisa came by he restaurant with her new beau. It was nice to finally meet him after hearing so much about him. He's a good guy for her. A true southern gentleman and I hope they hit it off and continue to grow close. They're just plain cute together! lol
Alright, world. Well I am off to bed because it's late and I gotta get up in the morning! G'night!
August 11, 2010
I adopted a cat!
.... well at least for an hour.
So there was a cat tormenting my dogs for over a week now. So I started giving it some food a couple days ago and it's been coming. This is my plan so that I can capture it in a crate and have animal control come pick it up. Then my dogs can stop going insane! Although getting the cat to trust me really wasn't hard. I'm going to assume it was a he. So he was really really sweet! I swear if I wasn't allergic to cat (or my hubby for that matter) I would've kept him! Honestly he was so sweet! While I'm glad he's not going to drive my cats bonkers anymore, I will miss his sweet little meow. Although I'll never forget my dogs going crazy at the crate that I kept him in while we waited. Seriously my two oldest got in the one small crate together!!!! It was hilarious!!!!!
Today at work was a little difficult. The boys are at each other's throats. They have spent way too much time together. And all they want to do is watch TV or movies or play Wii. I try to distract and I have a brand new list of out-of-the-house activities and places to go. But they never want to go because they constantly ask whether they'll have time to play Wii when they get home, or how long we'll be gone. I love the boys to death. But they are just going at it and I feel like nothing I do helps it! Then there's arguing and bickering and then there are tears and anger looks at each other. I can't wait for them to go back to school where they're in separate classrooms and occupied all day. That will help them to get along when they are together! Otherwise I don't know how I'm going to get through these next couple of weeks. I try to keep them from "killing" each other but I guess I'm just going to have to wing it.
Anyways, it's been a long day and I'm going to finish my DVR-ed show.
So there was a cat tormenting my dogs for over a week now. So I started giving it some food a couple days ago and it's been coming. This is my plan so that I can capture it in a crate and have animal control come pick it up. Then my dogs can stop going insane! Although getting the cat to trust me really wasn't hard. I'm going to assume it was a he. So he was really really sweet! I swear if I wasn't allergic to cat (or my hubby for that matter) I would've kept him! Honestly he was so sweet! While I'm glad he's not going to drive my cats bonkers anymore, I will miss his sweet little meow. Although I'll never forget my dogs going crazy at the crate that I kept him in while we waited. Seriously my two oldest got in the one small crate together!!!! It was hilarious!!!!!
Today at work was a little difficult. The boys are at each other's throats. They have spent way too much time together. And all they want to do is watch TV or movies or play Wii. I try to distract and I have a brand new list of out-of-the-house activities and places to go. But they never want to go because they constantly ask whether they'll have time to play Wii when they get home, or how long we'll be gone. I love the boys to death. But they are just going at it and I feel like nothing I do helps it! Then there's arguing and bickering and then there are tears and anger looks at each other. I can't wait for them to go back to school where they're in separate classrooms and occupied all day. That will help them to get along when they are together! Otherwise I don't know how I'm going to get through these next couple of weeks. I try to keep them from "killing" each other but I guess I'm just going to have to wing it.
Anyways, it's been a long day and I'm going to finish my DVR-ed show.
August 10, 2010
Putty in the Remote
So today was a decent day. I was a little tired but, thats to be expected since there's 4 of them and only 1 of me! Anyways, this morning's job was to go to the library and get new books and ACTUALLY have them read them out loud. The dreaded "S" word will be starting soon and they need to practice. So we went, got books, they played and I actually got a library card! I'm kind of excited! I haven't had a library card since I was a kid! I had forgotten how much fun it is to read books and look through the stacks and everything. It's like a treasure hunt for me. I think all this stems from the fact that I just finished Eat. Pray. Love. and loved it.
Back to the rest of the day! Then the plan was to go back to the house, rest a little while I make lunch, eat lunch and then go to the Aquarium. The family is a member of practically every attraction in the area. So then I realize the card says the mom and dad's names on it and on the back is says upon entrance you must present a MATCHING photo ID. That posed a probably. Obviously I am not their mom and definitely not their dad. So I texted the mom to explain and turns out she was in meetings most of the day and wouldn't really be able to help a whole bunch. I called the aquarium and told them the situation and they said a flat out NO! I mean I am the nanny for the family and the mom has expressed that the whole reason they are members is so that I can take them places for free so they are entertained (I mean every mom and summer sitter knows that at this point of the summer the kids are bored with what they've got in the house). So we did not end up going. We had a leisure lunch instead of a rushed one. Then we read our new books from the library. Then we relaxed and the boys had their afternoon Wii time and we played with putty. I started putting my fingerprints in the putty and showing the boys the patterns. They thought this way cool. So I made up a game of them needing to guess what made the pattern. I would impress a pattern or object in the putty and they had to guess it. It went well until I had the bright idea of putting the remote in the putty because the remote set up was actually a kind of cool pattern. But when I went to pull the putty off, it wouldn't budge. Then I'm thinking "oh &$^%*#!" Obviously couldn't say that in front of the kids. So I pull the large chunk off and find that it has stuck to every single button it could and of course it was not coming off easily. I feel horrible! I'm completely embarrassed! I feel like I'm the child and going to be spoiled and feeling desire to run and hide so I don't have to explain the black COX remote with the yellow putty stuck to all the buttons. In the last 30 minutes of my day, I spend it furiously trying to get as much putty off as I can! This does not work out the way I had hoped. For a split second I contemplated blaming it on one of the kids, but I knew they'd rat me out anyways. So in the end I fessed up once the mom got home. She wasn't concerned but of course I still feel horribly responsible and needing to buy them a new remote.
The mom was more concerned with the fact that we didn't go to the aquarium. So tonight after my putty incident, I have researched free or cheap things to do with kids in the area. I have 3 pages worth of information and I'm ready to present it to her tomorrow. I'm hoping this will redeem me after today's fiasco! :(
Back to the rest of the day! Then the plan was to go back to the house, rest a little while I make lunch, eat lunch and then go to the Aquarium. The family is a member of practically every attraction in the area. So then I realize the card says the mom and dad's names on it and on the back is says upon entrance you must present a MATCHING photo ID. That posed a probably. Obviously I am not their mom and definitely not their dad. So I texted the mom to explain and turns out she was in meetings most of the day and wouldn't really be able to help a whole bunch. I called the aquarium and told them the situation and they said a flat out NO! I mean I am the nanny for the family and the mom has expressed that the whole reason they are members is so that I can take them places for free so they are entertained (I mean every mom and summer sitter knows that at this point of the summer the kids are bored with what they've got in the house). So we did not end up going. We had a leisure lunch instead of a rushed one. Then we read our new books from the library. Then we relaxed and the boys had their afternoon Wii time and we played with putty. I started putting my fingerprints in the putty and showing the boys the patterns. They thought this way cool. So I made up a game of them needing to guess what made the pattern. I would impress a pattern or object in the putty and they had to guess it. It went well until I had the bright idea of putting the remote in the putty because the remote set up was actually a kind of cool pattern. But when I went to pull the putty off, it wouldn't budge. Then I'm thinking "oh &$^%*#!" Obviously couldn't say that in front of the kids. So I pull the large chunk off and find that it has stuck to every single button it could and of course it was not coming off easily. I feel horrible! I'm completely embarrassed! I feel like I'm the child and going to be spoiled and feeling desire to run and hide so I don't have to explain the black COX remote with the yellow putty stuck to all the buttons. In the last 30 minutes of my day, I spend it furiously trying to get as much putty off as I can! This does not work out the way I had hoped. For a split second I contemplated blaming it on one of the kids, but I knew they'd rat me out anyways. So in the end I fessed up once the mom got home. She wasn't concerned but of course I still feel horribly responsible and needing to buy them a new remote.
The mom was more concerned with the fact that we didn't go to the aquarium. So tonight after my putty incident, I have researched free or cheap things to do with kids in the area. I have 3 pages worth of information and I'm ready to present it to her tomorrow. I'm hoping this will redeem me after today's fiasco! :(
August 09, 2010
Glass of wine
So today was my first day back at work since my kidney stone. Now I know what you're thinking. This girl was lucky enough to have here ONLY kidney stone pass over the weekend she had off! Yes i know! I'm super lucky. But still after the weekend I had I knew today would be a tiring day for me. And it was. I had some grumpy boys today but they were still as wonderful as ever. And tomorrow will be tiring as well since we're going to the Aquarium. But since I had a tiring day I decided to have a glass of wine with my dinner... which turned into more than half the bottle. But! It's good wine! lol
It's been so long since I've had alcohol. I mean I've had a single drink here or there for the last couple of months since my hubby and I have been trying to conceive. So since I know I'm not pregnant, I said "I'm going to have some wine!". And I have. Now I will say I'm a light-weight and feeling a little tipsy, but it's because I've abstained from alcohol for so long my body's just not used to it. But it also made me realize that I am only 22 years old. I know I have plenty of time to have a baby. But the responsible side of me considers that with my hubs in the Navy, they'll pay for a decent amount of fertility treatments and I should take advantage of that opportunity. Plus I've always wanted to be a mother. A stay at home mom to be exact. I love kids, I mean that's why I work as a nanny. But with my PCOS I know it'll be hard to conceive so I made the responsible decision to not drink while we are trying. But a part of me wants to be a 22 year old who drinks regularly just because I can. Not because I want to be an alcoholic, just to act my age. I'm trying to find this balance in my life of being responsible and acting like a normal 22 year old.
I just read Eat. Pray. Love. And it was so good! It's divided up into 3 parts. The first part is her journey through Italy. The second through India. And the third through Bali. Reading it, I kept thinking about how I want to do that. Take a year off from EVERYTHING and just be where I am and just learn who I am. I mean I know that I am Kelly and 22 years old, from New Hampshire who is now married to a United States Sailor and who works as a nanny. I got that. But take all that away and who am I? What do I state for? What are my opinions? What do I love to do by myself? Do I even like to be by myself? Now maybe all this seems selfish to you, but to me it's just what Liz (the woman in the book) does. She finds a balance in here life and who she is and what she believes and learns to trust herself. So maybe I am selfish for envying her, but that part of me wants to find out. I'm not saying I'll ever go on this year long sabbatical, but it's nice to dream about and what balances in my life I might discover and the wholeness I might find within myself. That true unity with ones whole being and lifestyle. I really can't wait for the movie to come out. Firstly I loved the book and secondly I LOVE Julia Roberts movies!!!!
And to think this whole thinking process started with my one glass of wine. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. lol
It's been so long since I've had alcohol. I mean I've had a single drink here or there for the last couple of months since my hubby and I have been trying to conceive. So since I know I'm not pregnant, I said "I'm going to have some wine!". And I have. Now I will say I'm a light-weight and feeling a little tipsy, but it's because I've abstained from alcohol for so long my body's just not used to it. But it also made me realize that I am only 22 years old. I know I have plenty of time to have a baby. But the responsible side of me considers that with my hubs in the Navy, they'll pay for a decent amount of fertility treatments and I should take advantage of that opportunity. Plus I've always wanted to be a mother. A stay at home mom to be exact. I love kids, I mean that's why I work as a nanny. But with my PCOS I know it'll be hard to conceive so I made the responsible decision to not drink while we are trying. But a part of me wants to be a 22 year old who drinks regularly just because I can. Not because I want to be an alcoholic, just to act my age. I'm trying to find this balance in my life of being responsible and acting like a normal 22 year old.
I just read Eat. Pray. Love. And it was so good! It's divided up into 3 parts. The first part is her journey through Italy. The second through India. And the third through Bali. Reading it, I kept thinking about how I want to do that. Take a year off from EVERYTHING and just be where I am and just learn who I am. I mean I know that I am Kelly and 22 years old, from New Hampshire who is now married to a United States Sailor and who works as a nanny. I got that. But take all that away and who am I? What do I state for? What are my opinions? What do I love to do by myself? Do I even like to be by myself? Now maybe all this seems selfish to you, but to me it's just what Liz (the woman in the book) does. She finds a balance in here life and who she is and what she believes and learns to trust herself. So maybe I am selfish for envying her, but that part of me wants to find out. I'm not saying I'll ever go on this year long sabbatical, but it's nice to dream about and what balances in my life I might discover and the wholeness I might find within myself. That true unity with ones whole being and lifestyle. I really can't wait for the movie to come out. Firstly I loved the book and secondly I LOVE Julia Roberts movies!!!!
And to think this whole thinking process started with my one glass of wine. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. lol
August 08, 2010
good news!
I PASSED MY KIDNEY STONE!!!!!!!
I can go back to work! I have no more pain!! Yeah!
I also got 3 emails today from my hubby. 2 short ones and 1 long one. So all in all today was good. I ran some errands. Took a jacket back to the store to have the security tag removed. I bought it yesterday and they forgot to take it off! lol I did some shopping at the grocery store and the dollar store. I got a TON of stuff for my hubs and roomie's care packages. I spoil them! I've bought a lot of stuff for them so I hope they enjoy it! Now I just need to get boxes to ship them.
But I think the most important thing is that I get to go back to work tomorrow. I'm really happy that my boss decided it was okay. Plus it helped that I passed the stone and have been off pain meds for more than 24 hours already. Anyways! Short post tonight because not a lot happened today. Good night world!
I can go back to work! I have no more pain!! Yeah!
I also got 3 emails today from my hubby. 2 short ones and 1 long one. So all in all today was good. I ran some errands. Took a jacket back to the store to have the security tag removed. I bought it yesterday and they forgot to take it off! lol I did some shopping at the grocery store and the dollar store. I got a TON of stuff for my hubs and roomie's care packages. I spoil them! I've bought a lot of stuff for them so I hope they enjoy it! Now I just need to get boxes to ship them.
But I think the most important thing is that I get to go back to work tomorrow. I'm really happy that my boss decided it was okay. Plus it helped that I passed the stone and have been off pain meds for more than 24 hours already. Anyways! Short post tonight because not a lot happened today. Good night world!
August 07, 2010
Better Day
So today was a good day. I got to sleep in (thank you puppies!) and I went and did some retail therapy. I got myself a cute new purse! I'm so excited! I probably did a big no-no though. I took one of my percosets and went out. As in I drove myself around. I felt completely fine and I didn't crash into anything. And yes I do realize the horrible possibilities that could've happened. I don't plan to do it often. I went to the bank and deposited a check, I got some Friendly's for lunch, I bought some new layering coats/ jackets from Dressbarn, and I got the dogs food and some toys because I can't help but spoil them!
Although one thing did happen today that concerns me. I heard from my boss today. She is a wonderful lady who was checking in on me. We chatted a bit about how I was feeling and such. Then the topic turned towards work and how I do have plans to be at work Monday morning. She seems very concerned about me being at work. Don't get me wrong, there is no way in hell I'd put the boys in harms way or jeopardize their safety for myself. I know it is ultimately her decision whether or not she feels it's okay for the boys to be around me while I am still dealing with my kidney stones, but I don't want to lose my job. I want to be at work. I do NOT want to be sitting in this house all day every day for a week or two or however long it takes to pass this stone. Like I said, I want to go to work. I need to go to work. My husband is gone right now, all my other friends work, and I'm not supposed to drive while on my percoset so that leaves me sitting at home by myself for days on end! I will go mentally insane! Plus I'm scared. I'm scared that if she doesn't want me to be at work, she'll find a replacement for the intent of it being temporary and then deciding it's best to just make it a permanent change. I do not want to lose my job. I love the family. I love the boys. I am willing to do whatever she feels is best but I want to fight for my job. I have truly been blessed to have this job. It has been wonderful to me! And I hope I have shown them that I am a good worker and will continue to do good work for them in the future. I don't want to be replaced because of this whole kidney stone situation. I will never find a job that is more perfect for my life right now! I'm really afraid she'll call and tell me not to show up to work for awhile. And then I'll get a call telling me that they're just going to make the change permanent. I understand she needs to do what's best for her kids and I understand her concern in terms of my driving the kids around or where they need to go if I have to take my meds. I worry about that too. But I do believe it can be worked out. I really just hope that they see that I want to be working for them and enjoy my work.
So while today was a good day, I do have this issue weighing on my mind. But I did title this as "better day" because a lot of good things did happen today. I got my car back (thanks to Lisa) and I spoiled my dogs, which I love to do, and I got a new purse, and I got to have Friendly's ice cream. I also got an email from my hubby! :) It really was only 3 sentences long but it's better than nothing . He said when he'd be off watch, so I'm going to set my alarm and try to be online when he is so that maybe we can have an email conversation. Those are always nice. But for now I'm off to have a small snack and read before bed. G'night world.
Although one thing did happen today that concerns me. I heard from my boss today. She is a wonderful lady who was checking in on me. We chatted a bit about how I was feeling and such. Then the topic turned towards work and how I do have plans to be at work Monday morning. She seems very concerned about me being at work. Don't get me wrong, there is no way in hell I'd put the boys in harms way or jeopardize their safety for myself. I know it is ultimately her decision whether or not she feels it's okay for the boys to be around me while I am still dealing with my kidney stones, but I don't want to lose my job. I want to be at work. I do NOT want to be sitting in this house all day every day for a week or two or however long it takes to pass this stone. Like I said, I want to go to work. I need to go to work. My husband is gone right now, all my other friends work, and I'm not supposed to drive while on my percoset so that leaves me sitting at home by myself for days on end! I will go mentally insane! Plus I'm scared. I'm scared that if she doesn't want me to be at work, she'll find a replacement for the intent of it being temporary and then deciding it's best to just make it a permanent change. I do not want to lose my job. I love the family. I love the boys. I am willing to do whatever she feels is best but I want to fight for my job. I have truly been blessed to have this job. It has been wonderful to me! And I hope I have shown them that I am a good worker and will continue to do good work for them in the future. I don't want to be replaced because of this whole kidney stone situation. I will never find a job that is more perfect for my life right now! I'm really afraid she'll call and tell me not to show up to work for awhile. And then I'll get a call telling me that they're just going to make the change permanent. I understand she needs to do what's best for her kids and I understand her concern in terms of my driving the kids around or where they need to go if I have to take my meds. I worry about that too. But I do believe it can be worked out. I really just hope that they see that I want to be working for them and enjoy my work.
So while today was a good day, I do have this issue weighing on my mind. But I did title this as "better day" because a lot of good things did happen today. I got my car back (thanks to Lisa) and I spoiled my dogs, which I love to do, and I got a new purse, and I got to have Friendly's ice cream. I also got an email from my hubby! :) It really was only 3 sentences long but it's better than nothing . He said when he'd be off watch, so I'm going to set my alarm and try to be online when he is so that maybe we can have an email conversation. Those are always nice. But for now I'm off to have a small snack and read before bed. G'night world.
Katy Perry - Thinking of You
I know this song basically is talking about being with another man while your own man is gone, but if you watch the video it's protraid as something totally different. I know all us military wives dread that letter or that home visit from men in uniforms. But when he's gone and I miss him and I just need a good cry, this is the song and video I watch. I do miss him and want to be close to him and this song really helps to express how lonely it can be, either with just him gone on an underway or if he was taken completely from me. I don't know why but I really like this song and love the video even more.
August 06, 2010
Another paper bracelet
So since my post this morning I have received yet another paper bracelet from the ER. After I posted this morning I had a very small lunch and then proceeded to have crazy intense side pains. I took pain medication and after an hour of waiting for the pain to subside, I decided something wasn't right and drove to the hospital. first off, I wasn't supposed to drive myself because I'm not supposed to be operating heavy machinery while taking my pain meds. Oh well, cuz all the people I know have jobs and my husband is gone! Well I got halfway there and swear I was going to puke, so I pulled over as quickly and safely as possible. I didn't end up throwing up but the pain was so strong I started crying right then and there on the side of the highway! It was awful! Once I felt I could go on, I jumped back in my car and made it to the hospital. Of course it was packed. I got there about 2:30. I checked in and proceeded to get my vitals taken at triage where I started crying again because the pain was just too much. I was told I still had to go back out into the lobby and wait to be called back. Of course "they'd try to get to me as soon a possible". PPPPSSSSHHHHHH! ya right! I sat in the lobby almost 2 full hours before my name was called! Then I had to repeat my story to a nurse, corpsman, and doctor. Then I waited. And then I waited some more. Then finally I was told they needed me to give a urine sample. I thought, "Finally! They're going to actually test and treat me!". I did my thing and was told that they'd probably give me some extra pain meds and send me on my way but I wasn't allowed to drive because I would take this new pain med at the hospital. So now I'm racking my brain of anyone who could come pick me up and wouldn't mind. I thought about my good friend Lisa who essentially stayed with me all yesterday. She was kind enough to oblige and came to the hospital to get me. But the docs weren't done yet of course. Even after she showed up, we waited for a long while before anyone came in! Then of course there was a shift change so I got a new nurse, and corpsman. Thankfully I still had the same doctor. So he came back and told me that there wasn't any new information, just that there was still a lot of blood in my urine which meant that the stone was still in my kidney. So I got a shot of pain meds in my butt. Being a girl who doesn't like needles this was scary to think about. But it wasn't that bad after all. I guess because my butt is so..... fleshy. yeah... thats the word I'll use right now. lol But now the problem is the whole not being able to drive thing. My car was parked in the ER lot. How was I to get it home if Lisa was driving me home? And if these 2 days give any indication on how I was to feel until my stone has passed, how am I going to drive myself to and from work being on my pain meds? If I don't take them so I can drive, how will I get through my day without keeling over? Do they really expect me to stay home all day, every day and not go anywhere without going CRAZY?!?! According to the docs, it can take up to 4 WEEKS for a stone to pass!!! ugh! This is not going to be fun. As unsafe as it sounds, I will probably end up cheating and going out while on my pain meds. I just need to be very careful and I will probably not be out too late. Either way I have found that this searing pain in my side will come and go. I just hope this all passes quickly so I can just move on and be normal for once.
On a brighter note, I got an email from my hubby today! It actually came to my blackberry while I was sitting in the waiting room. Now I'm not complain... well actually I guess I kind of am. Anyways, this was the first email I've gotten from him since he left at the beginning of this week. While I was glad to hear from him, I was a little disappointed too. I had emailed him Tuesday night. And then was too tired to email him Wednesday night. Then Thursday all this kidney stone stuff occurred and I just relaxed most of the day. But I did email him details of everything that happened once I got home and was settled. Well this email I got today had this one sentence in it... "Hey I'm glad we know what was causing the pain." then he went on to tell me other things about life on the boat! Like I said I am glad I got an email at all, but come on!!!! I have been in pain for hours upon hours and feeling guilty about leaving my boss in a bind because I couldn't be at work, and I was drugged up and this is seriously the worst pain I've ever felt in my life and he says one little thing about it. I was sort of hoping for a little bit more concern on his end. I mean I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to make a fuss over myself. So when I say I think its time to see a doctor or go to the ER, then you know it's serious. So I kind of wished he was a little bit more concerned for me, but like I said, I am glad he emailed me. Also in this email, he told me the whole division shaved their heads! ugh! I swear if he walks off that boat with a bald head I'm sending him back until it grows back. I love my husband, I really do. But he does not have an attractive head. There are only a few guys out there that can pull of a completely bald head before their senior discounts kick in. My husband is not one of them. But at least he did it now, because I'm sure by the time they get back it'll be grown out (thank heaven!). He also gave his mailing address so I can send him stuff! I'm so excited! Except I can't drive to take it to the post office, and we're pretty much broke because I bought plane tickets this month to go to Chicago for a wedding I'm in. So now I need ideas of things I can put in a box to him that doesn't cost anything. I plan on making some food like brownies or cookies, but if any of you ladies have any ideas of what I could put in there I'd appreciate the ideas! Thanks gals! Well, I think it's time to get off the rollercoaster ride for tonight. I'm beat. But I get to start it all over again tomorrow. Night all!
On a brighter note, I got an email from my hubby today! It actually came to my blackberry while I was sitting in the waiting room. Now I'm not complain... well actually I guess I kind of am. Anyways, this was the first email I've gotten from him since he left at the beginning of this week. While I was glad to hear from him, I was a little disappointed too. I had emailed him Tuesday night. And then was too tired to email him Wednesday night. Then Thursday all this kidney stone stuff occurred and I just relaxed most of the day. But I did email him details of everything that happened once I got home and was settled. Well this email I got today had this one sentence in it... "Hey I'm glad we know what was causing the pain." then he went on to tell me other things about life on the boat! Like I said I am glad I got an email at all, but come on!!!! I have been in pain for hours upon hours and feeling guilty about leaving my boss in a bind because I couldn't be at work, and I was drugged up and this is seriously the worst pain I've ever felt in my life and he says one little thing about it. I was sort of hoping for a little bit more concern on his end. I mean I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to make a fuss over myself. So when I say I think its time to see a doctor or go to the ER, then you know it's serious. So I kind of wished he was a little bit more concerned for me, but like I said, I am glad he emailed me. Also in this email, he told me the whole division shaved their heads! ugh! I swear if he walks off that boat with a bald head I'm sending him back until it grows back. I love my husband, I really do. But he does not have an attractive head. There are only a few guys out there that can pull of a completely bald head before their senior discounts kick in. My husband is not one of them. But at least he did it now, because I'm sure by the time they get back it'll be grown out (thank heaven!). He also gave his mailing address so I can send him stuff! I'm so excited! Except I can't drive to take it to the post office, and we're pretty much broke because I bought plane tickets this month to go to Chicago for a wedding I'm in. So now I need ideas of things I can put in a box to him that doesn't cost anything. I plan on making some food like brownies or cookies, but if any of you ladies have any ideas of what I could put in there I'd appreciate the ideas! Thanks gals! Well, I think it's time to get off the rollercoaster ride for tonight. I'm beat. But I get to start it all over again tomorrow. Night all!
Wanted: True Friendship
So day 2 of my kidney stone process has barely begun and I'm already in pain. But the pain isn't in my side, it's lower. I'm assuming this means that the stone is passing into my bladder which I hope means I can pass it soon and have this whole ordeal over with! ugh!
It was nice to have someone with me yesterday. Lisa was kind enough to stay pretty much the whole day with me. Now today.... is another story. I got up at like 7:30 only God knows why! Then fed the dogs and such, grabbed the paper, read some articles and took a shower. I even started some laundry. But it's 10am and I'm bored and wanting to not be alone today. Now I just checked my facebook and I have found a friend of mine could be completely moved in to a new place in Charleston SC by this time next year! I always new they would move there because she has divulged this information to me before. But since I consider her one of my BEST FRIENDS, I guess I wish she had told me in person and I didn't have to find out on facebook with everyone else. She has a new job and such so I understand she can't get together as much anymore because she's got longer hours now. But still I sometimes feel like I'm just a convenience friendship to her. Like she only talks to me when her hubby is about to leave or while he's gone. I really wish I could meet some girls who would be my friend no matter who was around or not. I understand that when your husband is home you want to spend time with him. Believe me I get it because yes I admit I have not made plans with girlfriends because I knew my hubby was in town. So yes I get it. But, whether my hubby is around or not, I try to make plans with my friends as soon as we're both available. Maybe I have too high of standards, or maybe I just haven't found the right friends. I don't know. I just wish people could grow up, be mature and be a true friend in every sense of the word.
Well now that I have ranted I have a headache. I've already taken a percoset this morning so I can't take another until 3pm. But maybe I'll take some tylenol and take a nap. It's not like any one's going to call me or ask to hang out today. No one ever does.
It was nice to have someone with me yesterday. Lisa was kind enough to stay pretty much the whole day with me. Now today.... is another story. I got up at like 7:30 only God knows why! Then fed the dogs and such, grabbed the paper, read some articles and took a shower. I even started some laundry. But it's 10am and I'm bored and wanting to not be alone today. Now I just checked my facebook and I have found a friend of mine could be completely moved in to a new place in Charleston SC by this time next year! I always new they would move there because she has divulged this information to me before. But since I consider her one of my BEST FRIENDS, I guess I wish she had told me in person and I didn't have to find out on facebook with everyone else. She has a new job and such so I understand she can't get together as much anymore because she's got longer hours now. But still I sometimes feel like I'm just a convenience friendship to her. Like she only talks to me when her hubby is about to leave or while he's gone. I really wish I could meet some girls who would be my friend no matter who was around or not. I understand that when your husband is home you want to spend time with him. Believe me I get it because yes I admit I have not made plans with girlfriends because I knew my hubby was in town. So yes I get it. But, whether my hubby is around or not, I try to make plans with my friends as soon as we're both available. Maybe I have too high of standards, or maybe I just haven't found the right friends. I don't know. I just wish people could grow up, be mature and be a true friend in every sense of the word.
Well now that I have ranted I have a headache. I've already taken a percoset this morning so I can't take another until 3pm. But maybe I'll take some tylenol and take a nap. It's not like any one's going to call me or ask to hang out today. No one ever does.
August 05, 2010
"A successfuly ER trip" an oxymoron????
So, last night starting at about 10pm I experienced severe pain in my right side. I took some tylenol to try and get some good sleep. Well, that did not happen! I did not get much sleep at all. I attempted to go to work this morning and I just broke down in front of my boss. I felt AWEFUL about it! But my boss is absolutely wonderful and so understanding. She told me to go get checked out and get better. So I drove myself home (harder to do than i thought). My friend Lisa brought me to the ER because i just couldn't stop crying because of the pain in my right side, the guilt i felt over my job, missing my hubby (because of course this happens right after he leaves!) and just over-all exhaustion. We got to the ER at like 7:45. I was taken back right away because of my pain, plus it wasn't that busy. I had a urine test, an ultrasound of my side, and then a CT scan. At the end of all the tests I found out I have a Kidney Stone causing my pain. So at this point its 11am and I've been doing tests and waiting for 3 hours. I hadn't been hungry so I barely ate this morning. So after all that I was tired and super hungry. Lisa and I were thinking I might have appendicitis which would've required surgery obviously and I wouldn't have been able to eat! So thankfully I didn't have that because I was starving! So The ER gave me 2 prescriptions; percocet for pain and a dialation medication to relax my bladder so that the stone will pass easier (ewwwwww). Thankfully I had a very good friend with me to help me out all day. She drove me to the ER and back home again. We had lunch and we both took naps because we were so tired. So all in all, I was seen quickly in the ER, I wasn't alone, I got medication to help me feel better, and I had a nap. Today was a decent day, except for the severe pain part. But honestly, is it an oxymoron to say you had a successful trip to the ER??? Well, whatever you believe or feel, I am glad to have a friend to accompany me so I didn't feel so lonely in such a crazy experience. I've never had kindey stones before or felt pain like that. So I'm glad I got a diagnosis and a treatment plan. I think about how long it took to diagnose my PCOS and I was so afraid I was going to be the crazy girl with the mysterious pain in her right side. So I really am just glad to know what was causing it and how I can get better. I guess, thankful is the word of the day.
August 03, 2010
New Leaf!
So my hubby left this morning. He'll be gone quite awhile. I cried so hard last night and I cried again once I got home from dropping him off at the ship. I probably should have taken the day off today but I guess it was as much a blessing as a curse to have had to go to work today. so while this is my day to be sulking and mopy, I know I will be better tomorrow because life does go on.
So this entry is named "New leaf" because of my last statement: "life goes on". So starting tomorrow, I WILL get up extra early and work out. And tonight I even made a healthy dinner or stir fry veggies (zuccini, squash, carrots, and onions) with some chicken that I had my hubs throw in a Crockpot yesterday. There is no more soda in my house; all my veggies are fresh and locally grown & bought; my meal are prepared without oils and butters and such. I need to feel healthy and feel good about what's going into my body in order to feel good about my body and my life in general. So, thus the new leaf! This weekend I hope to clean out our office and get rid of a lot of junk as well donate a bunch of items to the Salvation Army as well as rip all my old CD's onto my new computer so I can get rid of them too! So, to say the least I have things to do to keep me busy. While I miss my husband and enjoy thinking about him and actively missing him, I know that if I linger too long on the subject it will dominate my mind and my day will turn for the worse because I will miss him too much. I mean no offense to anyone, especially my hubby, in saying that but sometimes when you think about just ONE person for too long your mood changes. Sometimes it even interfers with progress you were making. This is what I am trying to say. Anyways. I also am hoping to keep more up to date with this blog. I know I know! I've said that before and I do well for like a week and then don't post for a month or so! But I swear!!!! I will try to do better to post more often. Like I said, anyways! It is time for me to go to bed. I need to get up early to workout and then do my usual routine before work!
So this entry is named "New leaf" because of my last statement: "life goes on". So starting tomorrow, I WILL get up extra early and work out. And tonight I even made a healthy dinner or stir fry veggies (zuccini, squash, carrots, and onions) with some chicken that I had my hubs throw in a Crockpot yesterday. There is no more soda in my house; all my veggies are fresh and locally grown & bought; my meal are prepared without oils and butters and such. I need to feel healthy and feel good about what's going into my body in order to feel good about my body and my life in general. So, thus the new leaf! This weekend I hope to clean out our office and get rid of a lot of junk as well donate a bunch of items to the Salvation Army as well as rip all my old CD's onto my new computer so I can get rid of them too! So, to say the least I have things to do to keep me busy. While I miss my husband and enjoy thinking about him and actively missing him, I know that if I linger too long on the subject it will dominate my mind and my day will turn for the worse because I will miss him too much. I mean no offense to anyone, especially my hubby, in saying that but sometimes when you think about just ONE person for too long your mood changes. Sometimes it even interfers with progress you were making. This is what I am trying to say. Anyways. I also am hoping to keep more up to date with this blog. I know I know! I've said that before and I do well for like a week and then don't post for a month or so! But I swear!!!! I will try to do better to post more often. Like I said, anyways! It is time for me to go to bed. I need to get up early to workout and then do my usual routine before work!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)