So a girl whom I've called my best friend for a couple years now has faded into the background. She was a toxic friend whom I recently deleted from my facebook. Upon discovering that she'd been deleted went on the defensive (which I don't blame her for) and proceeded to attack me via a message on facebook. Here's some background information on our "friendship":
*She's had 4 sugeries in the last 2 years. I have been to the first two. The last two I could not make because I had to work and couldn't take the day off of work (I did ask for the day off) because MY BOSS couldn't take the day off from her work so she could stay home with the kids. I offered my assistance for the entire weekend after each of the last two and was assured that I wasn't needed.
*She did come to my rescue when I had sudden pains in my side and rushed me to the hospital when it turned out I had kidney stones.
*For my birthday this past summer, I was going to have a Premier Jewelry party and she told me that she couldn't because she had pool that night with her club which said that her recreational pool was more important than her "best friend". When I called her out on it she admited it wasn't because of pool, it was because of financial reasons and she couldn't buy anything. Why didn't she just say that to begin with? Why did she need to lie? It was my birthday and I wasn't asking her to spend money, just quality girl time with me and some friends and enjoy my birthday. I ended up cancelling because of the drama.
*She was supposed to watch my 3 beagles while I was away for a friend's wedding I was IN, and bailed out on me a week before I was supposed to drop them off with her. It's not like she was going to do it for free; we were paying her, so that's not considered a favor in my opinion.
*During the summer she did care for my dogs while hubby and I were at work and could not let them out. Again, we paid her to do this.
Now I understand that people are busy, but my problem with this said "friend" was that her status' on FB were of going out, or being home at early hours because she got off of work so early, and of going out shopping on the weekends but when asked to hang out, she always said she was busy with work or that she had no money.
MAYBE BECAUSE YOU SPENT IT ALL SHOPPING!!!!!
I'm not saying she hasn't done things for me or been there for me, but the communication is off. She claims I haven't been in good communication with her and that it's been "ages" since I texted or called her. I never know what she's doing so in my own defense, I always text. And I have. Recently. I texted her last month about a personal triumph while in Chicago November 15th. That's less than a month ago. Since then I've asked if she wants to get together and never replies because she's sleeping since she gets home from work so early she can have a nice long 3 or 4 hour nap. Her reply to my last text from Chicago (more than an hour later) was "oh cool. sorry. I'm at pool and doing really well tonight!"
Notice how she makes everything about her???
Well not to sound ironic and bitchy, but what about me? Is this friendship all about you? She claims that my idea of friendship is all about favors. No. We paid you, so that's not a favor. A Favor is something you do for a friend for free. Yes you've been a good friend in the past, but I'm talking about the present. Right now. I have been through hell and back in the last couple of months dealing with a miscarriage and the death of my grandfather. She has lost her brother which I am not going to compare to because I can't imagine the pain of that, but because of that loss she should understand what I am going through right now and be able to lend some support or a shoulder to cry on. She's done neither. With my miscarriage or the death of my grandfather.
Yes good friendships can pick up where they left off no matter how long its been since they last talked, but you can't pick up where you left off if you don't communicate with me. I'm not saying I've been perfect in our friendship, but I mean after all I've been through all I'm looking for is ONE FRIEND who actually cares and calls and asks how I"M doing and genuinely listens and allows me to vent or cry or whatever. If she had done that just once, I wouldn't feel like I need to defend myself right now. Either way she's sent a nasty message to me and then blocked me from FB so I can't even defend myself against her and let her know why, thus I'm defending myself to you. But I mean, you tell me. Was I crazy to delete this girl? Am I the one who's wrong? Please tell me so I know if I'm crazy and have too high of standards or if I was right to want a better quality friendship.
*oh last minute detail: this is not the first time with this chic that I've asked for more communication or better quality in our friendship.
I know you don't know me but I found your blog through another site. Anyways, your blog touched me enough to comment which I rarely do on blogs. I too have been in your situation. I had a friend that would always say or post how she went out with the girls for margaritas or to the pool with some friends yet everytime I asked her to go out shopping or just to do something she would say that she is too exhausted from work, yet I see pictures later of what she really did. I even talked to her about have a few drinks at either of our houses(we lived on base)and she always had an excuse, so like you I wrote her off. Just wanted to let you know you aren't the only one out there.
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