I struggle everyday. Work is fine, there are mini problems but nothing that isn't normal for 7 year olds in terms of behavorial development.
It's on the infertility front and the loneliness front. Two friends have come out and announced pregnancies. Both are only at about 4 weeks along. While I am very happy for these people, I also feel jealousy that they're pregnant and I'm not as well as fear that it won't ever happen for hubby and me.
Right now my doc only has me on 500mg of Metformin. As in NOT paired with anything else. I feel like I'm just at a stand still in my quest to have a baby. Because my husband is military, we have TriCare as our health insurance and my doctor has me on Metformin so that when we are referred to a "specialist" they'll see we've already tried it and hopefully just start off with the next step. I feel that only 500mg is not enough and that I should be taking more to possibly increase my chance even just a little bit since I am ONLY on Metformin. But when I asked my doc firmly said no. So I feel like even though I'm taking this medication, I'm essentially not doing ANYTHING to help my chances of having a baby.
The timing of everything isn't help hubby and I out either. My husband and I have been trying since July 2009, but our docs are going according to when I told her which was December 2009. So our year of trying is up this month. The problem is that my husband leaves on a 6 to 9 month deployment in January. Obviously that does NOT give us enough time to be referred to a "specialist" let alone to start a new treatment option.
I guess I'm just hating the waiting game that i'm in right now. I have to put all of this on hold because hubby is going to be gone for so long. So at this point I'm feeling pretty hopeless in our baby efforts. I'm not saying we'll give up but I just am jealous of the recent announcements of pregnancies while facing our seemingly forever-long wait until we can even get in to a "specialist" to start something new.
And of course I still am wishing that the quality of friends was better than what I feel like I have here. I am missing my family because they are truly amazing in the support they show me from even as far away as they are. There are really only two girls I consider best friends that I would share all of my struggles with. But one of them has yet to reach out to me to even say hi in the last 4 weeks! She calls me her best friend and yet she does nothing to just say hi. So I am done reaching out to her. I want to get back what I give into a friendship; that caring and constant support whether blatant or silent support. The other friend I see very rarely because she works long hours and many days a week and with my schedule we are rarely free at the same time. So her I am more understanding of. I just want a friend who will actually CARE. You can talk the talk about how much you care but unless you SHOW me that you care by being pro-active in our friendship, then I'm sorry I'm going to say that you don't really care about me or our friendship.
Is it so hard to ask for a REAL friend who cares and who will actually support me when I need it? And is it so hard to ask for a doctor who is willing to help me out just a little on this seemingly hopeless timeline? Is it really that horrible to just increase my dosage by just another 500mg?? Most women are on 1500mg a day! And I'm only on a 500mg a day???? I guess i just want to get going and feel like I am pro-active in my own fertility plan, ya know???
Frustrated. Feeling lonely. Jealou. Fearful. And many more emotions. Any advice???
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