After these last 5 weeks, I've realized how much of my family's lives I'm missing. My grandfather passed away last week and as I attended his funeral this past weekend, I felt like there were so many people that I want to be there for through things like this and I can't because of multiple factors in my life. For example:
I never got to see my grandfather while he was ill or tell him I loved him one last time before he died.
My father is due to have surgery next month and I won't be able to be there for him and help out.
I barely talk to my sister so there are things going on in her life that I never knew about.
After everything that has happened, all I want to do is be close to family; to be there for theml, to support them, and show love to them whenever I can. Living where I am, I cannot do that. Don't misunderstand. I would never leave my husband or the household we've created together. But I just wish I had more flexibility in my life to be able to go see them and spend time with them when they need help or something.
I guess the other thing is that I'm just tired. Tired from working, tired from all the flying we've been doing, and tired of so-called "friends" saying they'll help us out and then either bail or never keep their word. I'm starting to feel VERY alone again.
My hubby has an upcoming underway and then a full-fledge deployment after that. If things don't start improving soon, that deployment is going to be the most miserable months of my entire life. And apparently there's noting I can do about it. I can't force people to hang out with me, or to stop lying and being bitches, or to even just be my friend. And anyone who IS a true friend to me live hundreds of miles away so it doesn't really help my situation. So what is there for me to do but sit at home and wait and be miserable? Nothing.
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