the first night....

So, my name is Kelly. I live in VA and am a military wife. I will turn 21 in like 24 hours and some change. I find myself very stressed out recently and needing to vent or just get my thoughts out. There are things in my life that I find myself wishing I could change. I know I'm not the only one. It's a catch 22. I can't get a job because I don't have a degree. I can't go get a degree because I don't have any money and would go bankrupt if I went and wasn't making any money at a job. But I can't get a job because I don't have my degree. And the circle keeps going around and around and around. After a while I feel like no one wants me. I know I'm a hard worker when I love my job. But most of the time when you don't have a degree, any job you have is merely to pay the bills which makes me bored and unmotivated to work. And being a military wife I like to only work certain hours so that I'm home when my husband is home. I don't know much very far in advanced and like to spend what time I can with him, so flexibility is key for me and most employers see that as restrictive and unreliable in an employee.

I know I'm not alone in this struggle and that there are so many people out there like me. But when you're in this situation you feel like you're the only one. Completely alone. It makes me just want to cry. Its a hole inside that you can't fill because until you get a job or something you don't feel useful or worthy of anything. It is a depressing situation and there's nothing you can do about it other than to keep filling out applications until someone hires you. But until then, you just wait. And waiting does things to you. You start thinking too deep into things. You really start to stress yourself out about all the little things that you would normally just shrug off.

So tonight, on my first blog entry, I am listening to depressing and slow ballads on my iTunes and typing away. Still wanting to cry, I think I'm going to turn in for the night. I'm not sure what else to write because this is my current dilemma. I am depressed and stressed out and feeling completely worthless because I feel like no one wants me as an employee. Maybe tomorrow will be better. And I'm hoping that this blogging will help me sort through things and just release everything thats pent up inside.